To the editor: Harrisburg has it all wrong. The liquor business should not be privatized. The present system is efficient, has created no bureaucracy and is convenient. Everyone knows that the best way to deliver goods or services is by a government monopoly.

There should be a bread control board, egg control board, a milk control board and clearly, without a doubt, we need a shoelace control board.

You should be only allowed to go to the bread store to buy bread and the egg store to buy eggs (although we'd probably need two egg stores, one for white eggs and one for brown eggs).

If a shoelace control board was created, the government could make more work. First, there would have to be a whole bunch of people in Harrisburg controlling shoelaces. Stores would have to be set up and this would make for more employment. Union organizers would be needed to get these clerks into the union. Politicians could get donations from these people.

To make it even better, there could be stores only for black shoelaces, a separate one for brown shoelaces and a third for white shoelaces.

Since white shoelaces may be used in athletic shoes, in order to buy them, one would need a prescription from a doctor in that before any exercise program one should always consult a physician. Next, the state can set up a bunch of inspectors who make sure only black shoelaces are sold out of black shoelace stores and so on.

Maybe road blocks can be set up, with more inspectors, where citizens would be required to show by way of receipt where their shoelaces were purchased.

Needless to say, these stores must all be set up so that it is inconvenient for someone to get there; that sells more gas.

Lastly, if someone tries to make their own shoelaces, by way of the shoelace police, a person would be fined.

Or, Harrisburg could simply shut the Liquor Control Board down. Raise taxes substantially on products such as beer wine and spirits, and do nothing else. The free market will take care of the rest. No need to have anything else other than a regular retail license that requires the retailer to tax at a higher rate on beer, wine and spirits. The free market will make it cheaper and easier for someone to purchase these items. All of this maze of distribution will simply go away. Good beer, wine and spirit retailers will do well, and those that aren't good will go out of business. Consumers will have more and easier access, and lower prices.

And while Harrisburg is at it, why not double the size of the Legislature?

Walt Lutz