Every day's a blooming holiday
Here's a profound revelation: Every day is special. But I guess you already knew that, didn't you?
I know what you're thinking. Smell the roses now because a heavy wind could blow the petals off the bush, or to put it another way - enjoy your hair because it could be "hair" today and gone tomorrow.
Making the most of the present is obviously an excellent life strategy, but it's really not the point here. Do you realize that each and every day in our 365-day year has been designated - by folks who either have method in their madness or far too much time on their hands - as a very special holiday?
Because our work ethic is so strong, we may feel guilty if we find ourselves in a mood that is perpetually jolly. But how can you not spend each day smiling when you always have something to look forward to the next day?
Already I can't wait until next Wednesday, June 19, time for the annual celebration of National Sauntering Day. Take it easy and slow down is the primary mission, so I suppose it would be quite all right to saunter through the afternoon with some sweet sauterne.
That will be a welcome respite indeed following the schizophrenic frenzy of Tuesday, June 18, which is both International Picnic Day and International Panic Day. You can celebrate both simultaneously by arriving at your favorite park or wooded glen only to remember you forgot to put the mustard in your picnic basket.
I'd observe Take Your Dog to Work Day June 24 if only I had a dog. I know from experience that if you truly want to interrupt the work flow, the second best way is to bring in a pooch for people to pet. What's the biggest guaranteed work stopper? A baby in the office, of course. Even the most seasoned curmudgeon who normally avoids kids can be counted on to indulge in a little bit of "gitchy gitchy goo" as a time waster. Bring Your Cat to Work Day has not been as successful, which is a darn shame because my cat happens to be a great headline writer.
On Waffle Iron Day, June 29, it's time to surf the web for tasty waffle recipes and wish, after much to-do and a kitchen in much disarray, that you had headed to Perkins instead.
The Internet is exploding already with reminders that Cow Appreciation Day, July 13, is only a month away. Last year, I had the chance to hug a cow who was feeling down. You see, for quite some time, she had been an underperforming milk producer and thus considered herself an "udder" failure.
Granted, some of these suggested observances are frivolous. Unless you're channeling Zsa Zsa Gabor, you probably won't get all that excited about Caviar Day on July 18. And unless you're a certified, A-number one geek, you probably won't be hosting friends for a Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day party on Aug. 28.
That's all the more reason to embrace those festive days that are fraught with meaning, such as Tuesday, June 25, Columnists Day. On that day, it's appropriate to buy a columnist a coffee or fan his or her face if the day happens to be hot and muggy. I plan to climb to the tippy-top of my ivory tower and pay homage to my hero, Walter Lippmann.
After enjoying the July 4 fireworks display, how delightful it will be to wake up the following morning to Bikini Day. July 5 is obviously a good day to spend at the beach or by the pool. I've looked in vain for some reference to Wear Your Bikini to Work Day. If that hasn't been invented yet, it's probably only a matter of time.
Obviously, some common sense must apply in the extent of our celebration. Deviled Egg Day on Nov. 2, though a tasty proposition, seems fraught with danger if one tends to overindulge. On the other hand, count me in for Talk Like a Pirate Day (Aarrgh! Avast, ye maties) on Sept. 19. I find the idea of Beer Day on Aug. 5 perfectly intoxicating, and I don't think you have to be a Republican to endorse Elephant Appreciation Day on Sept. 22. They're magnificent and they're just like jilted girlfriends (so I'm told) - they never forget.
Sorry it took so long to get around to this, but today - June 14 - is Flag Day, an official observance in which we celebrate the anniversary of the adoption (in 1777) of the U.S. flag. Americans are encouraged today to fly the flag, a symbol of our hard-fought freedoms, but respect for the flag is something that should be practiced every day, not just June 14.
Today is also observed worldwide as Blood Donor Day. Folks who are able to do so should resolve here and now to visit the next available blood drive to give the "gift of life."
On Sunday, June 16, those who are fortunate to still have their fathers around should take advantage of whatever words of wisdom dear old Dad wishes to impart. Even if his advice is worthless, for the love of God, at least humor the old man.
(Betz is an assistant editor at The News-Item.)