Advising against dating advice

Every once in a while, I stumble across an article that makes me wonder if the author was typing in earnest, or going for the "Most Sarcastic Article" award.

Dating editor Denise Ngo's "10 Things a good boyfriend won't ask you to do," found on Yahoo News, wins my vote this week.

Ngo claims that "while we understand that healthy relationships require compromises, we've compiled a list of favors that good boyfriends know better than to consistently request." According to Ngo, a good boyfriend should never ask his lady to do his laundry, buy gifts on his behalf, plan a vacation without his help, make him a sandwich, change her status on Facebook, be his wake-up call, hang out with his ex, keep up with his favorite shows, lose weight or keep her hair long.

There is only one I agree with completely: hanging out with the ex. If the two women happen to be friends, that's one thing, but the ex is not a required part of the package. If she (or he) is, there might be bigger trouble afoot than just making nice.

The rest of Ngo's rules make me wonder if she knows what compromise means.

Ngo claims a woman should never have to do the wash by herself. "A good compromise is for one partner to sort and start the laundry and the other to fold and put away." In some households, that would work, but not all of them. I'm very particular about how my laundry is sorted; some of my clothes are hand-wash only, and I'm careful not to mix the blouses and slacks I wear to work with items that get muddy or greasy. My boyfriend is a mechanic who spends his free time putting up drywall and riding four-wheelers through the mud. I have four piles of laundry; he has one. Exactly how are we supposed to split that chore?

And while he's perfectly capable of doing a load of laundry, there are other chores he's better at than I am, and that's true in any relationship. Each person brings different skills to the table, and some just prefer some chores over others. I, for one, love doing laundry, but that apparently strips me of any "modern woman" status I might have acquired in life. Ngo claims doing laundry "makes us a 1950s housewife."

I, like most women, am capable of doing "masculine" chores, but if washing a few loads of overalls will keep me from having to climb a 30-foot ladder to patch the roof, hand me a poodle skirt and call me Donna Reed.

Rule number two also shows a lack of compromise: never ask your girlfriend to buy a gift on your behalf, even if she's going to that store. True compromise is not each person doing for himself, but each person being kind and helpful to the other. What's wrong with picking out a nice blouse for his aunt's birthday during a shopping trip with the girls? He'll remember your kindness when he's at the hardware store buying special light bulbs for your makeup mirror. The best, longest-lasting relationships I've seen are the ones in which each person does nice things to make the day easier for his or her "better half."

They also take them "as is."

Ngo said men shouldn't ask their girlfriends to lose weight or cut their hair. Fine, but fair is fair; women should then quit trying to make over their men and accept them for who they are. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, Ms. Dating Editor.

In response to Ngo's list, and with a little help from the guys in my life, I compiled a short list of things women should never, ever ask their boyfriends to do. First, never ask him to stay out of the woods on the first day of deer season. Second, most men dislike shopping, especially at shoe stores; go with the girls. Third, don't send your man to the store to buy feminine hygiene products. Few events in a woman's life are more predictable, so stock up. Also, don't ask him to watch "Dancing With The Stars," "American Idol" or any chick flick, unless you know for sure that he enjoys that type of entertainment. Finally, let him retain a bit of masculine pride and stop asking him to hold your handbag.

Truth is, a good man would do all of the above because he loves you more than his ego. That's a great reason to drop the "don't ask me" list altogether and do for him too.

(Nicolov, an assistant editor at The News-Item, writes "Don't Get Me Started" for each Friday edition. Contact her at julie_n@newsitem.com)

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