'James Gang' enjoys Cancún trip

My wife, Paula, and I have taken many memorable vacations over the years with family members and friends, but nothing compares to the adventurous, all-inclusive, one-week stay in Cancún, Mexico, we recently spent with 20 other members of the "James Gang."

From the limo bus ride to and from Harrisburg International Airport and all points in between, the laughs, drinks and food never stopped coming.

Our accommodations at the Gran Meliá were excellent, and the building itself was a showcase for any vacation brochure, with its magnificent architecture that included an abundance of glass, marble floors and fixtures, and vines stretching eight stories.

Paradise and priceless are the two words that best describe our stay.

Following our Trans Air plane ride from Harrisburg to Atlanta, Ga., to Cancún, we made our way through security and customs, where Mexican soldiers toting rifles greeted tourists. That was an eye-opening experience to someone who has never been out of the country.

"Super Mario," our host with Olympus Tours, welcomed us to Cancún before providing a humorous outline of what to enjoy during our stay. "Super Mario" talked fast and tried to sell you everything, but he didn't always deliver on his discounts.

After two days of relaxing at the pool bar and beautiful beach, where the scenery was unbelievable, nine members of the gang, along with two happy fellows from the same resort, spent a day in Coba zip-lining through a tropical rain forest, repelling off a cliff, kayaking, participating in a religious ceremony conducted by a Mayan shaman, trekking through a jungle, swimming in an underground cave (where the water is blue), enjoying a delicious lunch prepared by Mayan villagers, scaling 120 steps to the top of a Mayan temple and downing shots of tequila at a photo shop.

The 250-mile round trip to Coba, which was made extra special by our fabulous tour guide, Sau, also included traveling through several tiny, poor Mexican villages that made us appreciate life back in the United States.

Sau helped make the adventure the highlight of the week with his humorous personality and keen knowledge of the Mayan people.

He constantly reminded us that you don't drive in Mexico, you survive. The narrow highways and driving tactics certainly proved that to be true.

Meanwhile, back at the resort, several other members of the "James Gang" were having their own fun basking in the sun, downing various tropical fruit drinks laced with liquor and preparing for their "bar-hopping" tour the next evening that turned into an unforgettable experience and resulted in several long headaches the next morning.

Paula and I didn't partake in the bar tour. Not to sound cheap, but we figured why go drink, eat and dance in crazy downtown Cancún, where literally thousands of people packed one of the bars, when you could drink, eat and even dance all you want at the resort for free?

The memories we have from the Aug. 17 to Aug. 24 vacation are endless.

They include Flo James sleeping in the pool, John "Roofer" Gallagher conducting transactions with various salesmen on the beach, Mark James smoking Cuban cigars, the women getting rowdy on the beach, Tyler James "romancing the stone" with Miss Ellie as her father, J.R., kept close watch, enjoying the company of Jeff "Tom Cruise" and Julie, who claimed to be airplane pilots but whose true profession and relationship remain questionable, exchanging pleasantries with a honeymoon couple from Pittsburgh, Laurie James falling into a lagoon, Denise Bebenek getting thrown out of Market 28 after getting a bracelet stuck on her wrist, getting shots of tequila poured down your throat while sitting in a chair in Señor Frogs, Tyler James sliding down a water shoot into a lagoon at Señor Frogs before coming back to the hotel with his prized "chalice" while doing his best imitation of Julius Caesar, Jen McLaughlin doing cartwheels in the third-floor hallway while feeling no pain, watching sea turtles crawl out of the ocean and bury their eggs in the sand, and listening to Mexican music while drinking to midnight at the lobby bar.

It's safe to say everybody had a great time, but I think Tyler James, like always, got the most bang for his buck. The 19-year-old from Elysburg had everybody in stitches throughout the week with his Italian charm, aggressive style and humorous anecdotes. I got in some good zingers as well, including impersonations of the Mexican characters at the resort and personalities back home in Shamokin, but I couldn't hold a candle to Tyler's antics.

After thanking lobby bartender Manuel, pool bartender Hugo and the rest of their mates for putting up with our shenanigans all week, we knew it was time to go home. One week with the "James Gang" was enough, even if it was spent in lovely Cancún.

But of course, we couldn't go quietly.

At the airport in Cancún, Tyler and Jen had to unload some of their luggage into other people's suitcases - which resembled a Keystone Cops routine as other passengers waited in line - until their suitcases weighed less than 50 pounds.

Then Paula, Jen and Linda Leach decided to raid half the liquor store in Cancún and delicately place their assortment of beverages into various suitcases. By some miracle, all of the bottles made it back to Shamokin intact.

After a five-hour layover in Atlanta, we boarded our flight back to Harrisburg and were warmly greeted by a flight attendant we called "Sgt. Stryker," who happened to be the same head stewardess we had on our flight from Harrisburg to Atlanta a week earlier. "Sgt. Stryker" did her job well. She handled "Passenger 57" when he became upset because we were having too much fun on the plane waiting for it to take off. "Sgt. Stryker" calmly moved him to the first-class seating section, which was only about four rows in front of us. But I'm sure he could still hear us having a good time.

The characters on our flight reminded me of the cast of Airplane.

"Roofer" and Laurie also enjoyed first-class seating from Harrisburg to Atlanta on the way to Cancún due to a mix-up. They enjoyed being "big shots" for a couple hours.

After landing in Harrisburg, our limo bus ride back to Shamokin was rather uneventful since everyone was wiped out and just wanted to fall asleep.

With a ton of souvenirs, some of which will make your hair curl, and memories that will last a lifetime, we arrived safely back in the "Bloody Fifth" in front of James' Cafe before parting company.

I know I broke the golden rule that states what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico. But comedy of this nature deserves to be shared with the public.

The following is a list of the "James Gang" and their nicknames based on our stay in Mexico:

Flo "The Godfather" James; his wife, Kathy "Grasshopper" James; their daughter, Abby "The Swinger" James; Chelsea "The Dancer" Purcell; Tina "The Tipster and Lipster" Barnabe; her son, Dane "The Free Spirit" Shovlin; Mark "Cigar Man" James; his girlfriend, Louise "The Quiet One" Garancheski; their daughter, Jess "The Youngster" James; John "The Adventurer" Gallagher; his girlfriend, Laurie "Sea Shell Woman" James; Paula "The Shopper" Gilger; Mark "The Mayan Savior and Dos Equis King" Gilger; John "The Drinkologist" Bebenek; his wife, Denise "The Light Eater" Bebenek; Ed "The Golfer" Kotwica; his wife, Janice "The Organizer" Kotwica, who celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary during the vacation; Jen "The Cartwheel Mom" McLaughlin; Linda "The Investigator" Leach; Kenny "Chairman of Señor Frogs" Pensyl; his girlfriend, Theresa "The Sun Goddess" York; and Tyler "Caesar the Party Animal" James.

Thank you Flo and Kathy James for inviting us to ride along, or in this case, fly with the "James Gang." Maybe we can do it again. How about next year?

P.S.: Paula, where is my "Last Supper" ceramic? Stay thirsty my friends.

(Gilger is a staff writer at The News-Item.)