Jeans win when it comes to pants

By Jenna Wasakoski
Staff Writer
 

They have been around the U.S. since the 18th century. They are something everyone can identify with, and — unless you’re living in a country that stones you to death if you expose one of your ears — you own them. You wear them. Some of you probably pretty much live in them.
Denim is named after the French word for Genoa, Italy, “Gênes,” where jeans originated. Genovese sailors actually wore them in the 1500’s and we’re still wearing them now.
And for good reason.
Denim is very versatile. It is durable and, in most cases, it is comfortable. Some wouldn’t dare wear black and blue together, but if that blue happens to be denim, it is fair game.
You can dress them down or you can dress them up.  Dark rinse jeans and a fancy top will get you in the door at most clubs with dress codes, ladies.  Basically, if you keep them neat and free of holes and avoid light washes, you can get away with wearing jeans almost anywhere.
A lot of workplaces are also becoming more accepting of jeans. Many are cut like dress pants these days, making them totally appropriate for the office with the proper accoutrements, e.g. a dress shirt and a pair of dressier shoes.
But before you think they are the safest bet in your closet, remember, certain jeans also tell  tales of horror — mom jeans, stonewash, bibs on 40-year-olds, ultra-low-rise with 80 percent of your gotchies sticking out — just to name a few.
Be very careful. 
Just because they are universal, doesn’t mean you can’t screw them up. Look how often people screw up the universal language of love.
I couldn’t possibly touch on them all, but the following are some examples of denim looks that dreams and nightmares are made of.
Here’s my take:

Skinny jeans
(for the ladies)

When I was a kid, I hated broccoli. I literally dressed it with my tears because I hated it so much. Now, I eat broccoli all the time. The fear is over.
That is basically the same story of me and  skinny jeans.
I think they are alright despite being originally terrified of them.
Just wear with caution. Balance them out and treat them almost like a pair of leggings.
Longer tops often work but be very aware of your size when wearing them. They can go very wrong. This is not a cut appropriate for every body type.

Skinny jeans
(for the fellas)

Without sounding too crude, I’m going to come right out and say that I’m not a fan of skinny jeans on a man. I truly feel that there is not enough room in there for a man’s things. You know, like his keys, his wallet and whatever else necessitates room in his pockets due to the fact that he can’t carry a purse. (What did you think I was talking about?)
Anyway, to each his own and I do like guys in bands, who tend to wear skinny jeans, but in general, I just think guys need more room.
These are hard to pull off. Figuratively and literally.

Boyfriend jeans
(for the ladies)

This is generally a new style. I can’t say I’m following the trend, but I can see why others would. Boyfriend jeans are cut, well, like your boyfriend’s jeans.
They are cozy and comfy and can work with a number of different looks.
They are usually worn rolled up in a non-chalant manner and they definitely win in the comfort department.
Be wary though. Boyfriend jeans are on the sloppier side of cuts, so don’t pair them with an oversized, sloppy top.
Outfits, like life, are really about balance.

Boyfriend jeans
(for the ladies)

This is generally a new style. I can’t say I’m following the trend, but I can see why others would. Boyfriend jeans are cut, well, like your boyfriend’s jeans.
They are cozy and comfy and can work with a number of different looks.
They are usually worn rolled up in a non-chalant manner and they definitely win in the comfort department.
Be wary though. Boyfriend jeans are on the sloppier side of cuts, so don’t pair them with an oversized, sloppy top.
Outfits, like life, are really about balance.

Standard jeans
(for the fellas)

You can never go wrong here. These are just regular, straight leg to slightly  boot cut jeans for men. They are a comfortable cut, either fit like a pair of good dress pants or a little on the looser side.
They will always work. Girls will think you look very handsome in these jeans.
They are very flattering and I would say every guy I know owns a pair of them or more.
You can wear them with your band t-shirts, your flannels, your dress shirts, your hunting vest and more.
Wear these, please.

The jean skirt
(for the ladies, obviously)

All hail the jean skirt. Anyone who knows me, knows that I abuse this look beyond belief.
As a fan of wearing skirts and dresses, as well as a fan of jeans, this hybrid, in my opinion, is the ultimate piece of clothing.
Keep the light washes for summertime and use the dark washes all year round.
You can dress this up with tights and boots in the winter and look pretty chic.
Just be careful of your hemline. You know inside better than anyone when you look in the mirror what looks good. Don’t ignore it.

Mom jeans
(for no one)

Listen, pears are delicious, but you never should aspire to be shaped like one.
The high-waisted, tapered ankle of the mom jean does nothing for any figure. Nothing.
In no case will these look flattering on you. Unless you are trying to draw attention to your hips, thighs and belly, avoid this cut in every case at every age with no exceptions.
Honestly, they did an SNL skit about them. That is how universally bad they are.
Please, go to your closet and throw them out immediately.

Carpenter jeans
(for the fellas)

I love the original Beverly Hills 90210 series. With that said, you would think that I would be a fan of the carpenter jeans look.
What worked on Brandon, Dylan and David (not Steve) did not withstand the test of time. This look screams ‘90s.
They usually come in a boring wash and they have huge unneccesary pockets which do nothing for your behind.
Unless you are toting a hammer and measuring tape, leave these bad boys to the real carpenters of the world.

Beyond belief baggy jeans
(for the fellas)

I am fascinated by these. You know the kind. The rise hits right at the middle of your thigh, the crotch falls right under your knee. The boxers, which are exposed a good 95 percent, hold on for dear life.
I have no idea how guys walk in these. I have no idea how they don’t fall down. Seriously. What keeps them up? Are they using wardrobe tape like girls do with fancy dresses when they want them to stay in place? Doubt it.
I can say no more than I am utterly fascinated by this look. Mind boggling.

Distressed jeans
(for both)

In the ‘80s, it was cool to have all kinds of rips and tears in your jeans. It carried over to the ‘90s and it still holds on today.
The difference is, now they do it for you. In the 80’s you either wore them out on your own or went at them with a pair of scissors or a razor blade.
I can see why the older generation doesn’t comprehend this concept. Why pay close to $100 for a pair of jeans with a bunch of holes in them?
I don’t know. I have a pair or two. I don’t know why and I didn’t pay much for them. Do as you will, but don’t wear these to work.

Low-rise 
boot-cut jeans
(for the ladies)

Boot-cut is always a win, but low-rise can be a very scary thing.
Depending on your body type, some can get away with a very low rise. Trouble is, not a lot of people dress for their body type.
The result? The dreaded muffin top.
All your extra junk hangs over the waistline of your jeans and, no, it is not delicious looking. That is not why they call it a muffin top. It is essentially awful.
Women tend to gain weight in this area, and that is just the way it is, so avoid these if that happens to be the case with you.

Mid-rise 
boot-cut jeans
(for both)

If you know nothing of denim cuts, washes, rises and falls, here are your safety pants.
A mid-rise boot cut jean is universally flattering. Add a dark rinse and it is pretty much the bee’s knees.
This is the look that works on everyone.
For the ladies, the boot cut balances out our hips. It keeps everything in proportion. The waist sits high enough that you’re not overexposing.
For the guys, it just looks right. Just like the standard cut, you can do no wrong with these.
Buy a pair or twelve.

Pre-exposed thong jeans
(for the ladies)

When this article goes to the internet, this photo won’t accompany it. So, what we see is, a pair of jeans cut out to look like your g-string underwear are sticking out.
This will never work on anyone ever. It is, by far, the dumbest pants idea ever.
I don’t care if you are built like a supermodel, this look will make you look like an idiot.
No one will ever take you serious in a pair of jeans like this, but really, if you’re wearing these, you aren’t looking to qualify for the Mensa club.

(Wasakoski, a News-Item copy editor, is a graduate of Von Lee School of Aesthetics and is certified as a professional makeup artist.)