I haven't slept in like - I don't know - 15 years is it now?

Ok, that's a lie.

My sleep issues come and go and that's probably due to stress, or maybe the phases or the moon or something.

Right now, I am the poster child for insomnia.

I probably slept a total of 15 hours in the past week or so, which is roughly 216 hours of life.

So I'm running on empty.

The other day, I had a handful of change in one hand and my morning vitamins in the other and I proceeded to pop the change in my mouth (YUCK!) while starting to throw the vitamins in the change jar. Luckily I caught myself before I swallowed the money.

But really, what better way to up your recently bruised self-worth than to just ingest spare change every now and then? In no time, I'd feel like a million bucks - I may weigh as much as an anchor tied to a large ship, but hey, I'd still feel like a million bucks.

(Note: Please do not attempt to swallow change. I could not bear the thought of anything happening to any of you.)

I've got this issue with insomnia. My brain does not know when to shut down and it just won't stop yapping in my ear all night about things I'd rather not think about.

I used to toss and turn and count sheep and summon Mr. Sandman, but the sheep never worked and Mr. Sandman always stands me up. Never in my life did I want to sleep with a guy so badly who plays this hard to get.

Come on, Sandman. I'm a good girl. Ask anyone.

Pay a girl a visit once in a while. You don't have to stay until morning or spoon me or anything.

So, in my adult years, I've taken to just taking the night as an open opportunity to completely tear apart my house in some fashion or another and get into projects I would likely not carry out in daytime hours unless I had a day off.

My suggestions for late-night insomniatic activity:

Rearrange a room

Since this machine is running on about 4 1/2 hours sleep in the last 72 or so, I thought what better to do than shuffle around heavy furniture all by myself in the midnight hour.

It's been said, "You can only get what the machine gives you."

Well, I may be the machine who is the exception to the rule. I just push it harder, even if I'm broken down.

I did a little switch-a-roo on the living room in the wee hours of the morning Tuesday and, although I'm smitten with the results, I keep going to sit down in the wrong place. Creature of habit, I guess.

Next, was my bedroom. I felt that really had to be done. I couldn't wait for anyone to help me lift my 847-pound mattress and large bed. Nope, I had to do it all on my own at like 4:30 a.m.

The results were not so rewarding. Everything weighed a ton and wouldn't move. I probably threw my back, knees, elbows and wrists out trying to do it on my own, but I got to a point where it's rearranged and everything has a place - for now.

The only thing is, I hate it. I hate where everything is. It makes no sense. All the art on the walls must be rearranged. The area rug doesn't make sense where it lies. I don't even know what side of the bed to sleep on. I can't even look at it, but I've overexerted myself so it's staying like that for at least a few days.

Maybe I will rearrange it next week while I'm on vacation since I have nothing else to do - unless one of you want to whisk me away somewhere. You know it is my birthday today and I've been told I am a fun little firecracker.

So, proceed with caution when rearranging in the middle of the night lest you find yourself trying to find leverage while soaking the furniture with your tears because it's ridiculously heavy.

Rearrange drawers

You can also rearrange drawers that are getting a little on the messy side.

One of my favorite late-night activities is emptying all my dresser drawers and refolding and rearranging all my clothing into insanely specific categories.

Also, if you are a gal who is into makeup like I am, take a night here or there to go through your makeup drawers or your Caboodle or medicine cabinet - wherever your stash is - and get rid of old makeup products and clean up existing ones. I know not many of you are washing your makeup brushes and sponges every day, so take the opportunity to give them a scrubbing in antibacterial soap.

Rearrange your life

The night is also where I do some of my best and worst thinking. Sure, I obsess and worry and let my mind go nuts a little, but I also come up with some decent late-night, lack-of-sleep revelations.

I have been reading a lot of books lately trying to figure out what it is I precisely want in life, so I've been writing a lot at night and taking note of any genius ideas that happen to pop into my head or concrete goals I want to reach.

So, while you are all tucked as snug as a bug in a rug, that's what I'll be doing.

Mind you, that's not every night.

I'm not going to pretend I'm not, on some nights, lying around playing Candy Crush Saga or browsing online for things I can't afford - believe me, it happens.

And, let's be honest, on nights I know I'm out of lives on the Crush or stuck on a level and I've exhausted all my organizational possibilities, I just cut to the chase and go out and have a few drinks - responsibly, now, don't be Sound Offing me. I'm an adult and I can have a few drinks to help me sleep on a night here or there to shut down the machine a little easier.

In fact, tonight alcohol will likely be my vehicle for sleep as some of my best friends are taking me out to celebrate my (insert age you think I am here ___) birthday.

So this is what you get on very little sleep. (What day is it? How did I get here? Is Santa coming soon?) I hope it made sense and I hope you have a very happy and safe holiday weekend.

Happy Birthday, 'Merica!

(Jenna Wasakoski, a News-Item editor, is a graduate of Von Lee School of

Aesthetics and is certified as a professional makeup artist.)