...anyone else worried about the cat uprising?
Let me start out by saying, I like cats, and I know some of you do not like cats.
Do you know how I know that some of you dislike them?
Well, let me tell you a little story about a winter's day back in 2011 in the good ole Fifth Ward.
My neighbor and I were getting ready to head to Harrisburg to do some holiday shopping. Before we left, she called me and said, "Oh my goodness, there's a dead cat out here on the sidewalk."
I went outside to see there was indeed a dead cat outside on the sidewalk. It looked as though it had just died recently but showed no signs of any kind of trauma whatsoever. It was furry and healthy and didn't show any signs of sickness.
Now, I'm not a veterinarian, nor am I cat crime scene investigator, but I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that someone poisoned the cat because of the issues with strays in the area.
November was also just a few months after the infamous Flood of 2011, so some, not all, but some real winners who were flooded out of their homes left their animals behind to fend for themselves.
That's not very nice or responsible, now is it?
Anyway, there was a little kitten that was kind of hanging around the dead cat looking as though it didn't understand why its buddy wasn't getting up.
If you would have seen the whole thing go down and saw how that kitten was lost and on its own while its only friend (and maybe even mother) lay dead on the sidewalk - if you would have seen that and not felt bad, well, then you are clearly a robot with no feelings toward living beings.
The happy ending is that I took the little tuxedo kitten in, took her to the vet and got her checked and she received a clean bill of health. Who said nothing good comes out of the Fifth Ward?
And, although Lux swings from one set of old curtains like Tarzan on occasion, and chooses to exclusively play with only plastic spider rings sold as party favors during Halloween, she's the best little cat in the universe and I'm happy I was able to give her a good home.
That being said, does anyone else think that cats may perhaps be taking over the world? Because it's starting to freak me out a little bit.
Ancient Egyptians had a reverence for cats like no other. Scientists once discovered a cat cemetery containing 300,000 cat mummies. (Hopefully, they aren't anything like Church from Pet Sematary) If anyone was caught killing a cat in Egyptian times, the punishment was likely death.
Then came the Middle Ages. Cats were associated with witchcraft and killed to ward off evil.
Cats have certainly had their highs and lows in history.
And now here we are.
We have this big thing called the Internet and I'm convinced it is made of cats.
The Internet is often a very abstract thing to describe, but if I had to picture "the Internet" as a headquarters or command center, I see it run by cats in business suits, mostly because I enjoy seeing an animal in a business suit, but partly because I have a wild imagination and may have one or two screws loose.
I'm sure you've heard Monopoly recently announced their new game piece would take the form of a cat, which only strengthens my argument for their impending world domination.
For the record, though, the iron was always my favorite piece and I'm sad to see it go. I'm going to put the blame on permanent press fabrics as well as the abuse of pajamas as daily attire - a scourge I will blame for as much as humanly possible when I see the chance.
Whether they run the Internet or not, there is no denying, love them or hate them, there is surely a modern-day cat revival, and perhaps an imminent insurgency of the entire planet.
You may want to stock up on laser pointers and furry mice. Their natural tendencies toward distraction could be your only chance at survival.
(Jenna Wasakoski, a News-Item editor, is a graduate of Von Lee School of Aesthetics and is certified as a professional makeup artist.)